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Articles � Society � Divorce � Why do Men Divorce?
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- Article Views: 2361
- Word Count: 722
- Date Contributed: Nov 26, 2007
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| Why do Men Divorce? |
Differences apart, both men and women divorce for the exactly the same reasons and these reasons boil down to the absence of:
Communication
Conflict resolution and
Intimacy
Though the reasons for obtaining a divorce are the same, these three vital issues are perceived and handled differently by either sex.
Lack of Communication
When two individuals live in the same residence, discrepancy in ideas and lifestyle are bound to occur. Disagreements give rise to arguments. Did you know that these arguments reveal the quality of a couple�s married life? Spouses, who argue vehemently and degrade each other, reveal their total lack of respect.
They soon begin lacing their arguments with sarcasm and in a bid to outwin the other engage into destructive criticism. Initial arguments make spouses lose respect, and later with cynicism, they effectively drift apart emotionally. The once-loving spouses are now converted to two emotionally independent individuals. They simply live together, in their own separate worlds!
It is here, the attitudinal differences between the men and women are portrayed. Men turn silent while women argue bitterly in a bid to build up some contact. At this point, men decide to divorce, for they want health (emotional and psychological) in a relationship. In its absence they petition a divorce.
Such an impasse would not have occurred if both the spouses would have worked together at conflict resolution. Learning to resolve contentious issues is important; for life is full of challenges. When you solve one problem, you are faced with another.
Conflict Resolution
When two people get married, often the first petulant issue that crops up pertains to money. Money � the lack of it -- is a deterrent to blissful existence. To overcome the financial difficulty, the other non-working partner (usually the wife) also decides to take up a job. Though the financial problem has been solved, another new problem crops up. This new problem relates to division of household work. Now spouses have to divide their work load.
In the first instance, the financial problem was solved as both the spouses negotiated and reached a viable settlement. Similarly when the next problem arises, both the spouses should work out a solution together. However, this fails to happen in some cases due to the differences in outlook between men and women.
Some men strictly adhere to the gender-defined roles enforced since historical times. Men worked outside the house and women, inside it. Adapting to the changed gender expectations is a difficulty which they seem to grapple with (trans-continentally.) Some fail to compromise and are angered by the situation, and in this anger, they contemplate a divorce. Usually, this degenerative stage in a marriage is reached gradually and reduces intimacy among spouses.
Lack of Intimacy
Everyone univocally agrees that existing in a marital relationship that is devoid of intimacy is extremely difficult. It is human nature which requires companionship, for we need someone to share our joys and sorrows. When one person is in pain, the partner offers comfort. These small words of strength cement a relationship and develop intimacy. An intimate relationship with the spouse exists on physical, emotional and spiritual levels. Its absence is, therefore, sorely felt by either spouse.
Women crave for emotional and mental intimacy. Devoid of affection, one of the spouses seeks affection outside marriage. A woman might be pushed into infidelity by lack of intimacy, attention, respect or importance. (Rarely do women solicit relationship outside driven by lust.) Adultery, by the wife, evokes bitter spousal anger and jealousy. Infidelity signifies the end of the marriage. The man is no longer able to trust his spouse. Men seek trust and honesty in a relationship. In its absence they find marriage meaningless and divorce is the viable answer. Alternately, a man also seeks escape from a loveless marriage by seeking comforting company outside. Once he enjoys the comfort provided by an affectionate partner, he seeks to divorce and rebuild life.
Such discord creeps into marriage due to perceptive differences between the spouses. Each person is differently moulded by their thoughts, upbringing, ideas, religious beliefs, etc. Surfacing of these differences leads to conflicts and, if divorce has to be avoided, the conflicts should be dealt with immediately, as and when they arise.
James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you want to find out more about a solicitor managed divorce see http://www.managed-divorce.co.uk
Article Source: UnArchived Articles
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