Dear "think before you speak",
You have been replaced...
Sincerely, "google before you tweet."
Dear dentist,
Sorry about that punch in the face...
Sincerely, it sounded like a Decepticon was in my mouth.
Dear Facebook,
Hello. My name is Google+. You killed myspace. Prepare to die.
Sincerely, Google+.
Dear sexist boys,
Scientists discovered a way to make artificial semen in labs.
Sincerely, you're no longer needed.
Dear Jack Sparrow,
Please, tell me how you manage to look so gorgeous at age 48 with guyliner on.
Sincerely, girls.
Dear girls who write "for hot sex call..." on the bathroom wall,
You know the only people who will be reading this are girls... right?
Sincerely, just making sure.
Dear world,
A sheep's natural wool is naturally coated in lanolin, a substance which prevents the wool fibers from locking together and therefore prevents the sheep from shrinking. Once the fibers are woven together the lanolin is disturbed, and can then become smaller (shrinking the wool).
Sincerely, I was curious, too.
Dear Mom,
Next time you're lecturing me and ask, "Do I look stupid to you!?" make sure you aren't wearing that sweater with the penguins all over it.
Sincerely, just being honest.
Dear Disney,
You do realize that once a female Clownfish dies, the male becomes a female. So technically Nemo was looking for his mommy, not daddy.
Sincerely, biology student.
Dear person who went in for a high five while I went for a fist pump,
WE CAN FIX THIS!
Sincerely, awkward turkey.
Dear Katy Perry,
They can spout whipped cream, they can shoot fire, and they can cause controversy on sesame street; is there anything that your boobs can't do?
Sincerely, amazed.
Dear Little Red Riding Hood,
I'M NOT JACOB!
Sincerely, the Big Bad Wolf.
Dear girls,
Please stop complaining that your boyfriends "use you, then hang you out to dry," you do it to me nearly every day...
Sincerely, towels.
Dear Cinderella,
If your shoe was a perfect fit, why did it fall off?
Sincerely, puzzled little girl.
Dear husband,
I realize that it's 11:27PM and Dairy Queen is closed, but if you don't manage to get me a Reese's Blizzard with extra Reese's in the next twenty minutes, I'm going to destroy you.
Sincerely, irrational and pregnant wife.
THIS IS PAGE 1
Dear dentist, Sorry about that punch in the face... Sincerely, it sounded like a Decepticon was in my mouth. · 13 minutes ago
Dear sexist boys, Scientists discovered a way to make artificial semen in labs. Sincerely, you're no longer needed. · 14 minutes ago
Excuse my profanity. I was mad.
Dear Disney, You do realize that once a female Clownfish dies, the male becomes a female. So technically Nemo was looking for his mommy, not daddy. Sincerely, biology student. · 15 minutes ago
^ that would have been better.
Dear dentist, Sorry about that punch in the face... Sincerely, it sounded like a Decepticon was in my mouth. · 15 minutes ago
Or did I?
Dear dentist, Sorry about that punch in the face... Sincerely, it sounded like a Decepticon was in my mouth. · 15 minutes ago