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Funny Facebook Status Quotes & Sayings

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I want to make a Facebook account and the name will be Nobody so when I see stupid crap people post, I can Like it. And it will say Nobody Likes This.
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Suggest Revision: I want to make a Facebook account and the name will be Nobody so when I see stupid crap people post, I can Like it. And it will say Nobody Likes This.
  
Facebook is like jail, you sit around and waste time, write on walls, and get poked by people you don't know.
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Suggest Revision: Facebook is like jail, you sit around and waste time, write on walls, and get poked by people you don't know.
  
The teacher asks Timmy "why is your cat at school today?" Timmy says, crying, "Because I heard my daddy say to my mommy, 'I'm going to eat that pussy when the kids leave.' so I'm saving him!"
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Suggest Revision: The teacher asks Timmy
  
If you're talking behind my back, you're in a good position to kiss my ass!
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Suggest Revision: If you're talking behind my back, you're in a good position to kiss my ass!
  
Drunk people run stop signs, high people wait for them to turn green.
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Suggest Revision: Drunk people run stop signs, high people wait for them to turn green.
  
Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it's wide use three fingers, make sure it's wet and rub up and down. Yep that's how you wash a cup.
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Suggest Revision: Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it's wide use three fingers, make sure it's wet and rub up and down. Yep that's how you wash a cup.
  
Wife: honey I want you to whisper dirty things in my ear! Husband: kitchen, living room, dinning room, patio
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Suggest Revision: Wife: honey I want you to whisper dirty things in my ear! Husband: kitchen, living room, dinning room, patio
  
...condom says to the tampon, "You put me out of a job for 1 week a month!" The tampon replies, "When you don't do your job properly, I lose mine for 9 months!"
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Suggest Revision: ...condom says to the tampon,
  
In the past, when you were angry with someone you fought them. Now you just delete them off Facebook. That'll teach 'em to fuck with you.
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Suggest Revision: In the past, when you were angry with someone you fought them. Now you just delete them off Facebook. That'll teach 'em to fuck with you.
  
"Username or Password incorrect." TELL ME WHICH ONE YOU SON OF A BITCH
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Quotes About Funny Facebook Status  Nov 14
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Face book is a very popular social networking website, interconnecting millions across the world. Face book, originally called Face smash, is a brainchild of Mark Zuckerberg. There are various applications, games and other interactive features that face book provides to all its members. Every member who has an account on face book has a homepage which is popularly called the "wall". On the wall, there is a space, where the face book user can speak his mind and use it to communicate or share his feelings with other face book users, whom he or she has listed as his friends. Funny face book status indicates any such status update which generates a lot of laughter and which people find really amazing. In the words of Sophia Bush, "I think the sexiest thing on anybody is intelligence. I respect somebody who has a brain and wants to use it more than a pretty face and status."
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