Double time

Its the day after my session with Lincoln. I always love to train with Lincoln, though yesterday I had caned myself hard on the treadmill and cross trainer before the actual session so I was a little tired going into it.

But before I go into the session, I have another goal to report!!!

I know I said I didnt think I could run on the treadmill. And in all honesty, I really didn't think I could.
But an old friend of mine ( not so much old in age thank you, just she has known me since I was a little tacker) who has lost an amazing amount of weight  and is a complete inspiration to me said: 

"Just focus on what your doing and achieve your goals. If you feel the need to run, do it. I must admit that's one thing I put off for a long while my PT  made me run and that was the best thing for me"

So Tuesday came along and I found myself reaching the 15 minute goal again on the cross trainer and then it was time  for the treadmill. I started off with my normal walking speed. And I thought about the run for at least 5 minutes before something strange happened. It was like I wasn't in control of my arm, but it reached out like it had a mind of its own and popped the speed up to jogging speed. I broke into a job, boobs and flab bouncing everywhere but I didn't care, I was jogging!!!
It's been YEARS since I jogged. To be honest, I haven't actually jogged since I was a teen. Not for any length of time anyway. I didn't last long, Only about 30 seconds before I had to jump onto the side of the treadmill and catch my breath. But I still did it.  And then, I did it again yesterday as part of my warm up before Lincoln's session.. I lasted about 30 seconds again but this time I jogged for 30 seconds  on then walking off, over a 10 minute period. Damn near killed me but I still did it.

So I am going to dedicate this small goal to my old friend. I wont mention her name here  because I want to protect her privacy. But she knows who she is. Thank you for giving me the words of inspiration to reach this small milestone. Thank you for being support. It is truly appreciated xoxox

And while I am at it. Thank you to all my family and friends who have been following this journey. I know its only a month into it ( yay - I've never lasted this long on a diet or exercise regime.) but you guys  make me want to keep going. the outpouring of support from you is exactly what I need to keep this up.

So onto the training session. I was running early yesterday but I thought I was running late. So I was tearing up the road towards the gym. Worried that I would only have 15 minutes to warm up and get the sweat going before the actual training session with Lincoln. I walk into the gym and realise that I am not only 15 minutes early, I'm 45 minutes early. haha. So I figure I may as well do the cardio equipment for that entire time so I jumped onto the treadmill, cross trainer, and bike.

Then Lincoln took me through some boxing exercises combined with squats and lunges and jumping (Again with the boobs flying - yes I am obsessed with it ha ha!) and today I am paying for it .But while my thighs are  trying to get me back by hurting every time I go to stand up or sit down, I kinda like the  hurt. It makes me remember that I am doing a good thing for my body and every little ache or pain is just a reminder that I am on the right track. Nothing worth doing is ever too easy.

I have now lost over the 5 kilo(11.023 lbs) mark. I'm planning on making it 10 asap.To celebrate, I went out yesterday and bought myself a new pair of exercise tights. Normally I would reward myself with food. But I am trying to change that habit. I already know what I am going to get myself when I reach  the 10 kilo mark. I am going  to get myself some sports underwear. I still have yet to buy  some proper training shoes. But that can be at the 15 kilo mark.
Ya know , this might actually curb my spending habits too haha.

Anyways, till next time,
stay healthy =D xoxo

She Shoots She Scores!!

Yesterday while I was at the gym, I started on the cross trainer. Instead of setting it for 10 mins like I normally do, I set it for 15 mins.
I hit the goal, without stopping.!!
Now I know that most normal sized people will think ' So What?!"
But for someone my size, that's a real effort and a great goal too. I hit the 10 minute mark a couple of weeks after I started ( I mean non stop cross trainer)
I am going to be proud of this little achievement because it means that all the work I am putting forth to become more healthy, is really starting to pay off.And I am going to do it again today too =D

Lately, I have been having the urge to run on the treadmill too. I'm sure I could do it if I had the correct underwear.  
( I mean bras. Try finding a supportive sports bra at my end of the scale,for a reasonable price.  I bet you have trouble. Ebay I hear you say? Sure np, I'll order one off there, for my size, and then when I receive it, the tags will say its my size, but the actual garment wont be. Been there, dont that. several times. haha.)
 
A big body (usually) means big boobs, and big boobs on a treadmill when running means pain and embarrassment. So that's the reason I haven't started running just yet. It IS a  goal of mine; to be able to at least slow jog on the treadmill. But right now I don't feel like being embarrassed because I have to hold my boobs still while trying to run. NOT  a good look, but definitely a funny thought. haha.
Also, I still feel a little self conscious when it comes to my body vs everyone else at the gym.
I have noticed that people still stare. I generally tend to make a point of repeating  "I'm here for me not them" silently in my head when I feel that someone is looking at me. Usually that works for me and I just try to ignore the starers.

Meanwhile at home....
I've taken to dancing with my cordless headphones on. Usually when I am doing the dishes and vaccuuming haha. It takes me back to my teenage years when I danced in my bedroom to music and sometimes sang into the hairbrush. ( yep I know - tragic- but if you deny it, I'm sure you'd be lying haha :P )

And the sports ball that hubby bought me has come in really handy, It's a great computer chair. I bounce on it while I am computer-ing and it helps me get more work from my legs. Especially when the baby is feeling clingy and wants to sit on my lap , the extra weight from him really makes it a hard workout after a while.

I have an appointment with Lincoln tomorrow so there will be more updates after that =D
till then, stay healthy, or at least try to hehe.
xoxox

Remotivated...

Today I had another training session with Lincoln at Genesis. It was a good thing too because I skipped yesterday and was really starting to feel demotivated and slack. The workout I did the day before felt like I didn't put everything I had into it and I kind of felt a little guilty about it. Plus I have been a little tired lately too. But that was all turned about when I walked through the doors and stepped on to the treadmill and started working out. I really did my hardest to get my heart rate up there. And by the time the actual training session rolled around I was already sweating like a porker.

So Lincoln took me through a few arm exercises with weights and push-ups (damned near killed me but hey,  that's what I am after)
By the time we were done, I was puffed but I felt SOOOOOOOO re-motivated and even though I could feel my body was tired out, it was weird.
I felt like I had some sort of energy to bounce round on. An hour later , and I felt like my posture was a lot taller and more straight and strong.  I felt confidence in my steps that I haven't felt since I was in my early 20's. This really surprised me because normally I will walk like I am trying to hide ( yeah I know haha, big girl trying to hide lol ironic huh).
So a huge thank you to Lincoln for re-motivating me and helping me get over a slump in my week. You're awesome =D 

And another thing too, I saw another lady down at the gym who was a large girl. And we smiled at each other. This was really comforting!!! Mainly because it was like we both know what we are going through.

Things I have noticed lately with my weight loss:
I can actually feel that I have lost weight around my ribs, my front tummy roll has decreased in size and my legs feel stronger.
Walking is actually easier than it has been previously. I am finding I'm not lumbering as much and I have more control over my limbs.
My treadmill settings have gone from 2.5 speed and 2.5% incline to 4.5 speed and 4.5% incline without tiring.
I'm actually happier after my gym workouts than I am if I haven't done one or before I go.

I weighed myself this morning and I am at 167.9kg


Till next post - happy exercising xoxo

When the going gets a sprained ankle......

Yesterday was a great day. It started out with church. Where I got a message from my guide and a grandfather figure, to say that I am cutting ties and all the baggage and what not and it is my time to shine and I have done things with courage apparently. (personally I think its just obliviousness  haha)

Then it was back home from church, and on to the gym. Normally I don't go on a Sunday being part of the weekend and all, but I had missed a day last week and so I decided to make up for it and do a round yesterday.
I arrived at Genesis and handed the girl behind the counter a newspaper for Sean to read. Then set about doing the tasks  that Lincoln has set for me. They're hard but not too hard that I want to give up.

I also added 45 crunches on to that because my tummy is something I really want to get rid of. The crunches are on that machine that makes you do crunches sitting upright, but you can attach weights to them. I'm doing 3 sets of 15 crunches with 50 kilos attached. I'm kinda proud of that haha.

After that I got it into my head that i wanted to go ghost hunting out at Bacchus Marsh cemetery so I rang Nita up and we drove the 15 or so minutes to Bacchus Marsh Cemetery and took some pics of the place.

     (This is me at the cemetery)

While I was looking at the graves, I wasn't concentrating on where I was going and twisted my ankle , and ended up on all fours in agonizing pain, half laughing, and trying to convince myself and Nita that I was ok.
I'm sure it would have been a funny sight. But now I have my ankle strapped up because this morning when I woke up , it was so stiff and sore and hard to walk on.

The first thing that came to my mind though, when I fell, wasn't " Ouch!' , it was " Oh no! how am I going to work out?" ( and the second thing was " Dammit!!! I think I have busted my camera")
This kind of surprised me since I have not ever really been this intent on health and exercise, so I guess it's an indication of how much I really want  to lose my excess weight. I'm kind of proud that my exercise was the first thing I thought of. 
I don't want to let this stupid sore ankle stop me doing what I need to do to keep the motivation going and the exercise. So tonight, I won't be logging into World of Warcraft like I had planned. I will be late to the raids that I have signed up for because as much as I love to kill a fictional animal that has some pretty harsh strategies, I come first. My body comes first. And my health comes first. Sorry Enigma Guildies, you're awesome and all but you're not going to lose the weight for me.

So now I am trying to think of exercises that I can do that wont make my ankle feel worse but will also help me continue with my weight loss. For this reason I am glad to be going to a gym because I know that someone there will be able to help me figure out which exercises to do.

Anyways, more updates next time. xoxoxo till then, take care

Things I am looking forward to...

I thought, today , since I am not actually going to the gym, that I would post about the things I am looking forward to when I have reached my weight loss goal. Some of these things will be achievable before my weight loss goal though. So here they are in no particular order:


-  Cafe seats will not stick to my hips when I get up to leave.

This one has been a problem for a long time now and I am sure I am not the only one. I have big, childbearing hips (thanks mum!) and they seem to grab the chair I am sitting in when I go to get up and I end up taking the chair with me. I can totally understand how comical this must look to other eatery patrons, and I think it's rather funny myself. But still, it is a little embarrassing when you have to peel your butt away from the seat you were sitting in before you leave a cafe.



- Being able to put my knickers on with two hands instead of kinda looping em over my feet and  trying to yank em up one side at a time.

ha ha Yeah there's a mental picture you could have done without I'm sure. But I promised myself I would " bare all" and so here it is!   And here's a bit more detail : not having to tuck my guts into the band of my knickers every morning in a futile attempt to hide my flab Muahahahaha! and No, I won't pay for therapy for you. You read this of your own free will.



-  Being able to tie my shoelaces with ease.

This one pretty much speaks for itself. the bigger your gut, the harder it is to reach down and touch your toes. and that's kinda imperative when you're putting shoes and socks on.



-  Not having to rock myself OUT of the lounge chair in order to get up and walk around.

Yep, I am sure my family suffer from seasickness just from watching me rock myself back and forth in order to gain enough momentum to heave my body out of the armchair. For that reason I rather don't like sitting down at other peoples houses too.

-  Being able to buy clothes off the rack. 

This one is a major downer when I go into a store and am unable to buy clothes because even their largest size is too small for me. I cant wait to be able to buy normal clothes for normal women and look good in them instead of picking clothes that are too billowy  because I am ashamed of my flabby bits.

-  Running with my kids

 This is one that I cant wait for too.  To be able to run and play with my kids and not be the big fat mum sitting on the bench seat watching. I want to be a part of it, not a spectator.

-  Not being stared at as I walk down the street. 

 This one makes me cringe. I am so sick of people staring at me because I am fat. This doesn't just single me out as a fat person but it singles the starer out as a judgmental person. It is also something that makes me incredibly angry that people can't look beyond someones appearance. And so for this reason I can't wait till people see me as normal. Having said that, this is also something I need to work on i.e: Let the anger go and rise above other peoples' hang ups.



So there you have it; just a pinch of the tip of the iceberg when it comes to things I am looking forward to after I have reached my weight loss goals. There's a million and one more things I cant wait to experience but they can be in another post. And at least if I don't post them all now, I will  have something else to terrorize you with later on *evil grin*

Food Glorious Food......

I wanted to touch on the whole diet thing that goes with exercise and losing weight.  One of the guys at Genesis (the Gym - you can check them out from the link on this page that I finally figured out how to set up) has said (and I am paraphrasing here) weight loss is 50-60% diet.

Now this is something I am sure most people know. But here's me thinking "yeah I wont eat as much crap as I have been" but I know myself, if I don't have what I am used to, I will give up.
So, I just started cutting down on the little things, like sugar; I use Sugarine for my coffee in the morning now. Instead of butter or margarine, which I do still use but only sometimes, I put avocado or Philly light cheese spread on my sandwiches instead.
Instead of Nutella, or peanut butter or jam, I have salad on my sandwiches.
Instead of bacon and eggs on toast for breakky, I have weetbix and milk. 
And instead of having a stuff like beef stroganoff, and bacon and zucchini slice, which I adore, but have yet to find a way to make it healthy , I bulk up the majority of the dinner meal , vegetabless and meat mostly or rice,  and make it feel like a really large meal with a tonne of vegetables instead.

Lots of carrots, lots of broccoli and snow peas (especially stir-fry Chinese style hehe) lots of onions and mushrooms, capsicum.
One of the other things I do, is eat it off a bread and butter plate. That way I know I am in control of the portion size. You'd be surprised at how well this works.
Now the funny thing is - I am actually craving less crap food and more healthy stuff. I have found I am not eating as much as I have previously been eating during the day. and when I do, I am more conscious about what I am putting into my mouth.
This doesn't take away the thoughts of chocolate and what not, BUT where before I wasn't actually even thinking about calorie intake or what type of fat content was in the food I was eating, now, I kinda feel empowered because I look at the contents of the food now and feel in control and able to make decisions concerning food, where before I felt powerless to stop myself from eating.

So I guess what I am saying is I have done things backwards yet again  haha, instead of starting on a diet and moving up to a gym , I started at the gym and moved up to a diet. And all this exercise has made me WANT to eat healthily. I am proud of the commitment I have made to myself. So is Mahto; he bought me a Swisse ball to sit on at the puter as an " I'm proud of you " gift.

Looking in the bathroom mirror at 5:45am and I saw something in my sleepy state that I wasn't quite sure I had seen. I had my arms up brushing my hair and I noticed that it seems I have lost weight off my ribs. It doesn't seem to be as bulged as it was before. It's only slight. I wasn't sure if it was because I had my arms up at head height. But Mahto and Nita  have both been saying they can see a difference already. It is nice they have said they can see a difference, and I am so eternally grateful for their encouragement. But actually seeing it for myself has a bit more impact.
So it seems I AM losing the weight even though the scales have now said I am up to 169.7kg.. I am still as motivated as ever!

The Newspaper Article was Published Today.....

OK so today started at about a quarter to 5 in the morning when Chris ( a friend of our family who is staying with us for a little while, he may as well be blood cos he's blood to Nita and Nita - who may as well be my sister - and I are as thick as thieves) woke me up as requested, so I could cram in a workout before Mahto (hubby) needed the car to go to work.
Aaron ( or Arnarn as my baby boy used to call him) who is Nita's 17 year old son, came with me today to the gym for a second time, and we worked out together.

We were both lined out outside the gym at 6am , worked hard on the treadmill, rowing machine, cross trainer, and I conked out on the stair machine lol.
After that ( which totally wrecked me) I went home and read the newspaper article that was written last week about my weight loss, and also about why people go to gyms in the beginning of the year etc.

Some of the things I said in the newspaper article resonated a second time with me today. Reading it in print, I have to say, I'm still ashamed of the way I look, but instead of letting that shame get to me, I think I am even more determined now to rid myself of these stupid horrible kilos that plague my body and make my stomach a point of focus for most people- or at least that is what it seems.

One of the things I said in the article was that I was self conscious about all the gorgeous muscly bodies down at the gym, and that after a little bit , I get over that and realize that they are there for them, and I am here for me. And that's what I try and hold in my mind. I still don't like to look in the mirror. I never have though, even when I was skinny. I'm doing this for my kids, my husband, but most of all for me.

Too many years have passed where I have put other people first. I'm not saying that I want to put myself first all the time. That wont sit right with me anyway because I feel awful and selfish when I do. But I am going to allow myself the smallest of luxuries and let myself feel that I am important enough to put my health first. I dont have to make other people go without in order for me to get and remain healthy. If anything, I will have the chance to help others ( a life long passion of mine) if I make sure I am around longer.

Another thing that started to bother me was that I have not lost too much weight this week , Not much, only about 300gms or so. But I am going to put this down to the workouts building muscle on my body faster than it can reduce my weight in fat. My mother used to say to me when she was doing her aerobics, " Muscle weighs more than fat. It is more dense"  So with that in mind, I am going to use this slower weight loss  set back as a positive motivator and instead of just weighing myself, I am also going to measure my body. That way , if I put on anything little like this, I can check the measurements, and as along as they reflect a weight loss of some sort by being smaller than the last time I took them, I will have more positive reinforcement and motivation to keep me going.
so here they are for ALL to see. This is me for now. I will post each measurement I take so the results can be seen here. along with my weight.


Measurements :

Bust :       65inches /   160 cm
Waist:      61 inches/   155 cm
Hips:        64 inches/   163 cm
Thigh: L    33inches/     84 cm
Thigh R    35inches/     90 cm
Bicep L   16.5 inches/  42cm
Bicep R   17.5 inches/  45cm
Neck       19 inches/    48cm

Weight : 169.1 kg ( 372.8 lbs)