What Is Emotional Abuse?

Emotional abuse is any behavior designed to control another person with fear, humiliation, and/or verbal assaults. It includes verbal abuse or constant criticism and more subtle tactics such as intimidation and manipulation. It systematically erodes a person's self-confidence, self-worth, and trust in her own perceptions.

Emotional abuse is a form of blackmail, which can traumatize the victim. It can result in convincing the person that she is worthless, to the extent that she believes herself unworthy of love, care and support. Thus, she remains with the abusive partner, believing that no other partner would desire a relationship with her.

In her book, Rape in Marriage, Diana Russell writes that the "torture of wives" is similar to the brainwashing of prisoners of war. Those who seek to control their intimate partners use methods similar to those of prison guards, who recognize that physical control is best achieved through subversive manipulation of the mind. The victim then becomes a psychological, as well as a physical, prisoner. These methods form the core of emotional abuse.

What Are The Signs Of Emotional Abuse?

1. Private Abuse
   While in public the abuser may seem like a wonderful husband, in private he humiliates, ignores, and insults his victim. This pattern causes a state of confusion for the victim whose reality of emotional abuse is not seen nor validated by other people.
   
   
2. Unexpected Abuse
   Unexpected and frequent outbursts of anger are usually triggered by little incidents, which do not justify the violent over-reaction. The victim is left startled and confused, in a state of mental terror, not knowing when the next explosion will occur.
   
   
3. Abuse… no matter what...
   

   Emotional abuse is a form of blackmail, which can traumatize the victim. It can result in convincing the person that she is worthless, to the extent that she believes herself unworthy of love, care and support.

   The daily mental abuse sinks into the victim's consciousness, rendering her apathetic, doubtful of her sanity, and de-sensitized to the pain. Regular outbursts are no longer upsetting. The victim starts to understand that no matter what she does, her husband will find fault with her. She starts losing hope about the possibility of change in the relationship and stops caring for her own well-being.
   
   
4. Isolation
   Frequently, the husband will do everything to separate his wife from her family & support system. He may demand that she quit her job, stop seeing her friends, and even move, if she seems too independent. By keeping the victim in a state of isolation, she cannot check with others if her husband's obsessive and controlling behavior is justified.
   
   
5. Financial Control
   Some husbands will make the wife ask for every penny, and justify every purchase. There is no joint bank account, and often the wife will not be allowed to have her own account. The victim feels humiliated, dependent and helpless like a child.
   
   
6. Cruelty
   The husband may abuse his wife by hurting her pets or destroying her possessions. The victim lives in fear of what her husband can do to her or to things she loves. This is an escalation of the emotional abuse which may lead to physical abuse.

Here is a quick reality-check list to recognize emotional abuse:

• Being constantly put down
• Being constantly criticized, humiliated, and blamed
• Partner plays mind games with you, to the point where you wonder about your own sanity
• Being forced to have sex as a marital duty
• Not being involved in making big decisions
• Feeling like a domestic slave in your own home
• · Being told what to do
• Being kept from financial resources, having to ask for money, and/or having to manage with a limited allowance
• Being prevented from getting or keeping a job
• Being controlled through intimidation, looks, gestures or actions
• Being controlled through the children; being made to feel guilty about the children; using the children to relay messages
• Being controlled through isolation, and limitation of your outside involvement
• Having to report what you do, who you see and talk to, what you read and where you
• Being controlled through minimizing, denying and blaming
• Partner makes light of the abuse, doesn't take your concerns seriously, denies that the abuse happened, and shifts the responsibility for the abusive behavior to you, saying that 'you caused it'.

If you recognize some or most of the above examples of emotional abuse in your own relationship, please seek help and support in your local women's center.

Emotional Abuse Hotline: S.A.F.E.- 1-800-992-3039 or 1-800-598-3998

If you recognized one or more of the symptoms of emotional abuse, do you relate to the idea that you are an emotionally abused woman?
Please explain.