Racy Talk: Kids Are Listening (and Learning)
What You Can Do
Millions of kids saw Toy Story 3 earlier this summer, and many were frightened by the scene in which the toys are heading toward almost certain death on the incinerator's conveyor belt. But it was another scene in that movie that made my hair stand on end: It's when Ken first meets Barbie, and the song Dream Weaver ("I believe you can get me through the night") starts to play. Ken says to Barbie, "Love your legwarmers," and Barbie purrs, "Nice ass-cot."
There it was: another one of those sexy zingers designed to make parents laugh and sail over kids' head. Turns out my parental instincts were right.
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, sex -- and its cheeky cousin, innuendo -- doesn't go over kids' head. In fact, the AAP's new report, "Sexuality, Contraception, and the Media," says that exposure to sexual content in TV and other media in early adolescence can as much as double kids' risk of early sexual intercourse.
Perhaps more importantly, what kids aren't seeing -- consequences for risky sexual behavior and messages about healthy sexual relationships -- also negatively impacts their behavior and attitudes about sex.
According to the report, having a TV in a child's bedroom is associated with early teen sexual activity. On the other hand, adolescents whose parents limit their TV viewing are less likely to engage in early sex.
But let's be clear: The occasional sexual reference or sexual dysfunction ad isn't going to hurt your kid. And while no parent wants their kids to learn about sex from animated movies, explaining to them that lovey-dovey stuff is often exaggerated in movies and TV to get attention helps counteract those sexy messages.
As kids get older, the conversations get a little less comfortable (as when my then-10-year-old asked me what a three-way was after he saw a joke on TV about a sexual triangle involving a bicycle built for three). But offering a counterpoint to the exaggerated notions of sex that kids see is one of the keys to helping them develop a healthy attitude about sex.
There are a few other things parents can do, according the AAP:
Take the TV out of the bedroom. Bedroom TVs have been identified as a risk factor for early sexual behavior -- and don't forget kids can watch TV on their computers, too.
Recognize the impact of media in kids' lives. Don't buy the excuse that racy jokes go over kids' heads. What kids hear and see affects their lives socially, emotionally, and physically.
Help them make age-appropriate choices. Kids get excited about movies and TV shows that are being marketed to them. But check our reviews first, and find age-appropriate alternatives to movies and TV shows you don't think they're ready for.
Nice!
In Australia we say "arse" not "ass" so kids here wouldn't be reading between the lines as much as in the States I expect...just like I didn't!!
To the parent contributor on 9/2: an ass-cot is a tie?! Come on, get your head out of your ascot and read between the lines -- I'm sure your kids do!
When my kids started public school they started coming home will all manner of peer generated profanity. We can't control their whole world, but we're going to try -- homeschooling!
Hi ...I really enjoyed this article as it is a problem for all of us - how to keep the innocence of childhood.
I would however like to point out the the reference to Toy Story 3 may have been taken out of context - it was a joke about clothing. Here is the definition of an Ascot: "An ascot tie, or ascot, is a narrow neckband with wide pointed wings, traditionally made of pale grey patterned silk." Both Barbie and Ken love clothing, so that is what they first noticed about each other! I don't actually think there was any innuendo intended by the film makers.
My children said they felt sad, not frightened when they saw the furnace scene - a very appropriate response I thought, as that what what I felt too - it was a talking point rather tham a point of fear in the movie for us.
Thanks again for a good article.
Lately I have been renting movies made BEFORE 1980/90's, for many of the above reasons. There are subtle references to sex or directing that leads to the "assumed" for adult viewers. For instance, a robber enters the house ties up the "man" and enters the bedroom where the woman/wife is screaming. We later learn subtly she was raped, but only because the adults are looking for it. THe older movies are not so explicit and leave more to imagination and inference. THere are wonderful movies with great meaty topics. I like the site Jinni and use the search engine to find a movie to suite the mood and taste of our family. i make my statement to the movie producers but not renting (or seeing) contemporary movies unless they are wonderful. Money and this type of action speaks to me and the movie industry. It's a win-win. Good luck.
The bottom line for me is this: if it's a movie for kid's, I don't expect or need to be entertained. Entertain the kids. When I want to be entertained, I'll watch something else.
One line that really fried me was "Pecker face" in Surf's up. Do we really need preschoolers (plenty of them saw the movie) saying this or asking for an explanation? That does not entertain me. I can watch Tosh.o and The Soup and even Southpark if I didn't think it was stupid. I don't need a kid's movie to entertain ME. It's for KIDS.
I'd take my kids to more movies if I felt confident that the content would be less objectionable.
Hmm. While I agree that "nice ass" is a little racy for Toy Story 3's audience, I'm vastly more concerned about violence in media than sex. Some day my six-year-old son will have sex. Your kids will too. Sex is a part of normal adult life. It deserves to be represented in media, though perhaps in more realistic or mature terms than it is now. On the other hand, our kids will witness hundreds or thousands of murders on television during their childhoods. Murder is not a normal part of a person's adult life, nor should it be. I'd much rather focus on decreasing violence in media than sexual content.
FINALLY!! Someone with some clout says what I've believed for years. The sex saturated culture we are bombarded with may be hazardous to your health. BUT & I say a strong BUT...it's NEVER going to change as long as the wallets of Hollyweird are being fattened. If people buy wholesome, family focused films instead of selling out for music, films & television "that isn't as bad as some of it out there," we might see change. Check Ipods folks, block some channels, refuse to go to movies that are filled with this garbage. Stop selling out for the edgy stuff because that's as good as it gets! Maybe then we'll see the standard raised. Movies that used to be kid movies tweaked to offer some sex appeal are being cranked out ever day by Hollywood. Half naked singers who used to be Disney kids are shining examples of this. Can't get through a family friendly show without jumping for the remote to shield the kids eyes from horrid commercials (while watching Extreme Home Makeover for pete sake!) THANK YOU to the American Academy of Pediatrics for coming clean with this one. Hopefully people will have seared into their minds the statement, "... exposure to sexual content in TV and other media in early adolescence can as much as double kids' risk of early sexual intercourse." WAKE UP FOLKS! IT'S SO NOT GOING OVER THEIR HEADS.
Yeah, in Cars when the truck was licking the other truck's backside. That was crazy. At 4, my son picked that up. At 2 he didn't or at least his face didn't show it. Craziness. The Princess and the Frog tongue tie session. That was the longest lip-lock entanglement rolling in circles - it may as well have been mating.
I am thankful that you are calling attention to this issue. As the mother of a 12 year old boy, I am amazed by what parents AND grandparents don't think their children see, hear or understand. They rarely miss a burst of obscenity and are also susceptible to gossip about who's having affairs, losing jobs, 'knocked up" etc... I believe that we are responsible for modeling the language and behavior we want to see in our kids.
When I check Common Sense for movie and book ratings and reviews, I am most often looking for the details on foul language, inappropriate sexual innuendo and sexual situations before I make a decision, it is the criteria I am most likely to deny media based on. I remember being horrified by the Fanta ad with the scantily clad and gyrating young ladies in the theater when we went to see Cars - a movie clearly directed at young children. I am disturbed by the mimicking of very adult postures and dance moves that I see in my young nieces who watch "kids" programming. Please think about the image you sanction when you admire these things in your children's presence.
Oh my goodness, I'm so glad that I'm not the only one who thinks this way. My friends will talk about anything in front of their kids, While I have a hard time watching my language (I'm trying really!) I have always avoided letting her hear or watch shows that innuendo laden.
The thing is people, our kids aren't stupid. They can hear! The in your face innuendo (I know that is a silly way to put that) that always just annoys me to death is from Alvin and the Chipmunks (I'm not sure if it's 1 or 2), where Alvin puts his hands behind his head and shakes his hips while saying "bow chicka wow-wow" Which as an adult I know that is an implict referance to a pornographic movie from the 70's. It makes me cringe when I see my daughter repeating it.
Kids may not know what sex is, but that to me is the scary part of them not getting the innuendos. They will parrot back stuff like that a school and could lead to them getting into a great deal of trouble for something that is essentially not their fault.
hi, im 15 and your are right things my parents say really do stick to me. They kept telling me about how they were poor as a child and how i;m lucky to have been born in america and they encouraged me to excel in school.
When my oldest son and I were walking down the sidewalk one day, he simply and in conversational tone began to say "f *** you", perhaps three or four times. Not at anyone in particular, just like as if he was saying "nice day today". I stopped dead in my tracks and asked "what did you say?". Then he repeated it again, like he was saying "that tree is green".
I asked where he heard that, and he said from his schoolmates. He was five and in the first grade in Tampa, Florida. My son had no understanding of what it was he was saying. When I explained that it was a bad thing to day, he simply said "OK" and never used those words again. I found that even the most casual statement sticks with my boys and daughter (and now eleven grandchildren) like glue. So my only advice is that, whether foul or fair, a promise or comment... BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU SAY TO YOUR KIDS! It will stay with them for a long time, and perhaps you will even be held accountable to them for saying something that would benefit them later.
To the 14 year old poster, your language only proves your immaturity and lack of boundaries.
As for the sexual content in the media, it is clearly an issue (as my 9 year old came home to tell me proudly what a "Disco Stick" from the Lady GaGa song was).
Behavior that 50 years ago was taboo and 25 years ago occurred at the high school level is now happening in the middle schools. There is clearly a direct correlation between the sexual content in the media rising since the 1960s and the average age for engaging in such activities dropping. The more kids see photos, hear songs and worship drug addicted sex tape filming celebrities, the more desensitized they become to the seriousness and sanctity of sex (and of alcohol/drugs).
I'm always amazed when parents say the aren't worried about the content their child is viewing because it "just goes over their head," or "they don't get it."....Um....yeah, that's the whole point. If they're too young to understand it they are just getting flooded with images they don't understand. And it's scary and confusing...happy to have this information to pass along to friends.